i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
