is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
