just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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