I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
