It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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