I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
