i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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