his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
