dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
