There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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