Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
