i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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