The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
is it fun? or sober?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
