Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize