Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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