he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
