Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
