god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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