Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
