when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
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I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
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The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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