Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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