i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
