You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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