So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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