Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
