Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
