I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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