benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
