She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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