She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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