So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
