That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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