Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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