9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
