I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
