Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
