I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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