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I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
soo... how was my night?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize