4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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