Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
