Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
