it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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