It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
