Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
