I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
