I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
