That's when you crack a 10am beer
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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