Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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