I can't breathe out the right side of my face
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
