ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
