So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
