Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
