first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
