I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
