i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
