I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
